


The Trick to Holding On

by 100percentsunshine



Series: Kaylor One Shots [25]
Category: Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: 2014 AMAs, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-07-06 22:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15895392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100percentsunshine/pseuds/100percentsunshine
Summary: "But tonight your hand is steady / Suddenly you’ll know / The trick to holding on / Was all that letting go"Karlie and Taylor run into Dianna at the AMAs.  It doesn't hurt as much as Taylor thought it would.





	The Trick to Holding On

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by kayIorr (on wattpad)

_"But tonight your hand is steady_  
Suddenly you’ll know  
The trick to holding on  
Was all that letting go" 

Anyone would think you had this whole award show thing down by now, but the AMAs are throwing a major curveball. Because Karlie is here. As your date. Presented perfectly platonically, of course, to the public. Your body has been tingling from nervous excitement all day. You're so proud to introduce her to a part of your world. But you've just gotten seated when, out of the corner of your eye, you see _her_ walking towards you. 

You haven’t seen Dianna in months.

Of course you knew she would probably be here. It's been a flicker of a worry in the back of your mind for a couple of weeks now. But now, seeing her for the first time in months, you feel a bit as though you're drowning. Suddenly, there's not enough air in your lungs. You know the exact moment Karlie notices her, because her grip on your hand tightens.

There's always been an understanding between the two of you. She knew, when you first met, that you'd just gotten out of a pretty devastating relationship. Maybe not the full specifics, but she never pushed, and you didn't like to talk about it more than you had to. It was a couple of months into your relationship when the tears became unstoppered and you confessed, to her, in the safety of blanket forts and carefully placed candles.

"We were going to get married," you let the words fall from your lips, aware of their potential consequences. But you couldn't hold it back any longer. With your pathetic attempts at a reconciliation all through last year, and then meeting and falling fast for Karlie, maybe you haven't had enough time to mourn for what you had lost.

_"What?"_

"Well," you backtracked, "I don't know. But she wanted to. I...I guess I did too, but it wasn't something we were at all ready for. But, Karlie, she proposed, and she was so willing to give everything up for me, and I just...I couldn't." You felt like you were seventeen again, being forced to choose your career over a love. But this time, you had so much more to lose. You'd poured your soul into everything you put out, worked your ass off for years to construct this life for yourself. It wasn't something you could ever let go of, just like that.

But when Karlie wrapped you into her arms and told you over and over again that she wasn't leaving, your past be damned, you thought you might be able to understand the way Dianna could so readily give everything up for you.

You didn't tell Karlie that, of course. You don't even confess this to your diary. Because everything is moving a little bit too fast, and it scares you. And picturing Karlie, with her patience, responsibility, and the trust that you've built, saying "I do" to you in white is easier than it was with Dianna and your unpredictable, sporadic bursts of love.

“Hi, Taylor,” she says politely. When you reach up to shake her hand, you are surprised that your own doesn't tremble. “And you must be Karlie. Nice to meet you!” The two of them make small talk: your past and your present. “Well, I'd better get going,” she says. “I love the album, by the way.”

“Thank you,” you say. “It was nice seeing you.” Because it was.

She walks away, and Karlie squeezes your hand. You feel very different than you would've a year ago. It's not so much an anger, or a sadness, or a longing. Instead, it's mourning for what could have been. 

But, moments later, the lights dim and the show begins. You dance your heart out and smile even when the cameras aren't on you because you're here with a beautiful woman who loves you regardless of all of your baggage. You don't think about your encounter with your ex until you slip into bed that night, a little bit drunk. And even then, it's not an all-consuming, treacherous, upsetting thing. It's enough for a sad smile, and to hold your girlfriend extra tight. 

And that's when you know, you've finally let go.


End file.
